Well, my back has been killing me, I can't hardly straighten my back up all the way. Rebecca (our guide) talks about a Massage that she goes and gets and offers to take me to the best place. Sounds great and she mentions acupuncture and ultra sound too. I have had these before and it really helps. So we meet and take off in the taxi she asks if I want the light touch massage without accu/ultrsound or the deep harder massage. Oh, I want the harder one. Now I have had deep tissue massage here in the good old USA before and it is painful so bring it on! We get off the elevator and go to the 3rd floor, as we get off I smell Hashish or Marijuana I'm thinking this must be a good place. As we walk into the massage place the smell disappears. Looking back maybe I should have went the other way. She meets her masseuse in the lobby and I follow with. We go into a room and Rebecca translates my problems and gets what the girl recommends. She is only about 5'2 or so and not big so I'm thinking this should be good. "OK follow me" But where are we going I see tables right here. We get to another room and she opens the door and as it opens I see about 4-5 tables with a Ultrasound machine. It opens farther and I then see 2 guys about my height and in much better shape than I am in. Of course I 'm in the worst shape of my life. They explain what I need and one of the guys all I will call Mr. Lee asks me to bend over to show my flexibility. At this point I can barely bend over far enough to touch my hands to my knees. So I make my way down towards the 3rd table and strip down to my boxers and crawl onto the table. "Be gentle" I'm thinking to myself. So he digs right in and I mean DIGS in. He starts a pushing twisting action up and down one side of my spine with a small object, (thumb, elbow, knuckle or steel rod I'm not sure). Now as he is doing this my body is rocking back and forth like I'm being hit with a jackhammer. Maybe he is using a jackhammer I can't tell. Then he does the other side, Oh joy. Then proceeds to work through my lower back and hips and this actually feels a little better. As Mr.Lee works on my hip he grabs the table puts his (I think elbow) into my hip and tries to put it through the table. After 3-4 of these the intense pressure lets up my hip feels a little better. I have to say this guy does not waste any time, his movements are like a machine gun with a endless supply of rounds. Next he moves down to my Hamstrings and back of the knee and calves. As he is applies his machine gun pressure point to the back of legs my head raises up off the table by itself, OW!!!!!!! I scream to myself. Down to the back of knee he goes and uses his thumb to break up the years of scar tissue that has collected after years of abuse. I'm still screaming to myself. Don't give him the pleasure of showing how much pain I'm in (boy is that a stupid thing to say). When he hit my calves, my head and shoulders jump up off the table to where I'm now standing up (OK not really that far). Then two things which I have never experienced before, both equally as fun. The 1st is grabbing my ankle and breaking up the scar tissue in those too. Now my ankles have had 2 severe sprains each and my left I so cleverly this last summer crushed. Somehow I control myself from not screaming, bolting out, crying or trying get up and kick his butt. Now kicking his but is a dream because I'm sure he is in much better shape than I'm in and probably knows Kung Fu. With my Karate being very rusty that is all I need is to have Mr.Lee beat me up even more than he already is. He stops, I should be shouting for joy but all I can think is Oh no what is next. I was right, now he lifts my left leg and starts to Karate chop the side of my leg. So hard that I can't believe there was not a bruise 20-25 times up and down the outside of my leg, now after going up the side of my leg and starting to come down I feel myself starting to squirm to get out away from the blows. He finally stops and I have Charlie horses all down the side of my leg, I haven't had those since high school from my friends (I know some friends). Now I'm trying to catch my breath, why, that is just the kind of shape I'm in. The I realize he is going around to the other side. Now is my chance, get up and get the heck out of there, run run run!!! Oh he will not get the pleasure of seeing a fat American running down the hall with his clothes in his arms screaming his head off. This is the mentality that is going to get me killed. So he goes down the other side, I'm crying to myself but I don't give him the pleasure of hearing my scream or cry. You would be so proud. He stops and moves to my shoulder blades, deltoids and down my arm. Now I won't go into much detail or this post will be tooooooo long. I have had tendinitis in both arms, torn rotator cup and stretched tendons and yes he found them all. He is so good! Not a peep out of me though just some heavy flinching as he crushes my arms and tendons. He did do one thing I didn' t realize I needed was he pulled on each finger until it popped twice and now I'm pretty sure all my fingers are 1 inch longer. Now when my kids pulls on my finger I will give them a little surprise. Oh how I wish I could have given Mr. Lee a little surprise but I could not muster up the energy. Then the joy continues he grabs may arm, pulls it around to back, strains it just before it will break and then starts to push deep down in my shoulder blades. OK this is where I break down and give a groan and then I actually laugh. How stupid was that I laugh. Then I hear him laugh a little, thinking wow is he going to make me pay for that. Then he does the other side and I do the same thing. Please understand everyone has their breaking point. He stops and walks away. Yeah!!!!! I'm done it's been at least an hour of this fun filled time. Then oh no here he comes and places his hand on my back. I hear him grabbing something from table. Then I feel massage oil on my back and he starts to rub up and down on my back faster and faster until the heat is really starting to build. I smell smoke and then hair, wow he took care of that hair that has started to grow up from my butt! I'm not joking about the heat either any longer and it would have been a 2nd degree burn. Then he does the same thing across my lower back, perfect to care of the rest of that hair. Done , now I feel him pull down my boxers past the point of my comfort zone but at this point what the heck. Whats next, I'm real nervous now. Then I feel more massage oil across my lower back in 3 spots, 2 across my butt, 2 on my hamstring and one across the back of my knee. Oh boy, now I here him grabbing something off the table again. Then I feel a push in my lower back then a muscle tighten. Now I know acupuncture that push was a needle. Finally I can relax a little. So he put all the needles in and tightens them into the muscle. The only one that I felt the needle go in is my the back of my left knee. Not bad especially after all else I have taken this day that was gravy.
I breath a sigh of relief. Then I feel the wires being hooked up to the needles. Bring it on Mr. Lee you can't do much to me now. Can this guy read thoughts? Now I feel the pulses starting, tap tap tap jolt, tap tap tap jolt. If you have never had this it makes you muscles spasm and then makes them tighten up and starts over again. They build in intensity as they go. I had not got to the full strength yet, it was turned up so high when I got the full power my whole body just tightened every muscle in my fat body. OK I can deal with this for awhile. Impossible to sleep with my body constricting like that but relaxing. I can feel my butt jiggling all over like a bowl of jello with every pulse, oh how I wish someone could see that! Wish granted. Yes the door opens and I hear a females voice. Oh that's just doggone great!! My butt out there just flopping in the wind and they have someone else come in to see the fat American. I hear them talking but of course I can't understand what they say. Then I hear a couple of laughs. "Look at that fat American butt jiggling all over the place" is what I heard. A couple of more laughs and she lays on the table next to me (lovely). At this point just shoot me and get it over, but wait a great thought goes through my head, "they will never see me again in my life so go ahead and get a good look because it is the last time you'll ever see it again". So laying there for at least 1/2 hour and Mr Lee comes over and unhooks me after the timer goes off on the machine. Please be done, please, please, please. But NOOOO!
He starts so dig his elbow in up and down my back for awhile just for good measure. He stops and motions for me to get up (finally) Sitting there on the table I see him reach for a pad that he starts to spray a liquid on. What is that? He moves a pillow onto the one end of the table and motions to lay down on may back. I want to cry!! Don't give him the pleasure I say again to myself. 1 pad goes on my lower back and on across my neck area. Whew ,that's all just a little Ultrasound. Dancing around in my head I lay there being jolted over and over again and actually enjoying this. After all it could be much worse. The timer goes off and he works a little on my shoulder because I think he noticed how bad I flinched earlier when he worked it and then it was over. Now I did leave a couple things out like lying on my stomach and him grabbing my leg, lifting it up, pulling it across my body then pushing down on my opposite hip waiting for a snap. Hah Hah he couldn't break it. So I get dressed and try not to look like I'm hurting too bad. Rebecca comes in as I'm getting my pants on and she asks me how it was. I just give her a funny look and a big smile and say nothing. I get up and see Mr. Lee as he gives me a glass of heated water (your body absorbs heated water faster than cold) He is probably in his 30's and I just walk up to him and smile and give a him a little pat on the shoulder and laugh and then he looks back at me and laughs too. If he only knew what I was thinking. We walk down the hall to pay and I notice, WOW my back feels awesome, my shoulder has not been able to move like this in years, was it worth it? It's 2 days later and this bed at the hotel is like a board so my back is getting real sore when I wake up. Am I going back to see Mr. Lee? Rebecca asks me and I am actually thinking about doing it again. Yes I'm not that bright and obviously a slow learner so I just might. She did tell me something that I may use if I do go again . She asked me if I heard the lady in the next room screaming and I said no. "Well that was me"
Next time everyone will be hearing me!
So take this all into consideraton if you want to try this yourself!!
God Bless
Todd
That was hilarious! I had tears in my eyes I was laughing so hard.
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